What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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