oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
