There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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