Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I love you.
Bad choice
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
