That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
