rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
