i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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