Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
