My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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