i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
