He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
