my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
