apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
