I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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