I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
