I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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