Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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