Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
