Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
