On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
