I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
