Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
