remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
