Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
