Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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