You just made me feel so damn special
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
