It's like God shit irony all over that family
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
