my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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