Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
