hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
