I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
