she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
