C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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