This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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