Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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