So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
