I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
