Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
