I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I want to be your penis for a week.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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