Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
