morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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