Can i not drive my cunt home
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
