There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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