i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
