You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
