Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
