My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
