Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
