You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
