Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
