I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I have post one night stand depression
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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