dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
