Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
